In a previous post I discussed the difference between the two Greek words for love AGAPĒ and PhILIA prominently used in the New Testament: AGAPĒ is more like ‘love as action/commitment’ (“actions speak louder than words”) vs. PhILIA which is more like ‘love as affection, companionship.’ An analogy would be that on their wedding day, PhILIA runs high for the couple, but it’s AGAPĒ that sees them through the tough times. Both AGAPĒ and PhILIA are essential! A marriage without PhILIA would be joyless, without AGAPĒ it can’t last.
There is a passage in the Gospel of John where AGAPĒ and PhILIA are repeatedly used next to each other. The story takes place between Peter and the resurrected Jesus:
Jesus says to Simon Peter: Simon [son] of John, do you love me more than these? He says to them: Yes, Lord, you know that I love you. He says to him: Be tending my lambs.
He says to him again [a] second time: Simon [son] of John, do you love me? He says to him: Yes Lord, you know that I love you. He says to him: Be shepherding my sheep.
He says to him the third time: Simon [son] of John, do you love me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time: Do you love me? And he said to him: You know everything, you know that I love you. Jesus says to him: Be tending my sheep. (John 21:15ff)
In the standard translations, AGAPĒ and PhILIA are both translated ‘love’ (as in the quotation above), resulting in much of the poignant drama being lost. Let’s see how this passage opens up if we make the distinction clear (adding bold for clarity):
Jesus says to Simon Peter: Simon [son] of John, do you agapē-love me more than these? He says to them: Yes, Lord, you know that I philia-love you. He says to him: Be tending my lambs.
He says to him again [a] second time: Simon [son] of John, do you agapē-love me? He says to him: Yes Lord, you know that I philia-love you. He says to him: Be shepherding my sheep.
He says to him the third time: Simon [son] of John, do you philia-love me? Peter was grieved because he said to him the third time: Do you philia-love me? And he said to him: You know everything, you know that I philia-love you. Jesus says to him: Be tending my sheep.
First of all, why does Jesus question Peter three times? A consensus view is that Jesus is alluding to Peter denying Him three times.
So what’s going on in this passage? Jesus asks Peter if he agapē-loves Him. At this point, in light of his recent denials, Peter can’t bring himself to say “yes, I agapē-love you.” Instead, Peter replies something like “Well, at least I philia-love you.”
Same for Jesus’ second query, “Do you agapē-love me?”
With the third, however, Jesus asks Peter “Do you philia-love me?” Of course this exasperates Peter — not just because this is the third question, but also because Jesus has switched to ‘philia-love ‘ — something that Peter has already affirmed twice now. Perhaps we can understand Jesus’ question something like “Do you [really even] philia-love me? If you [even only] philia-love me, be tending my sheep.”
Wow.